“Only worth living if somebody…”
“They say that the world was built for two. Only worth living if somebody is loving you.”
— Lana Del Rey (“Video Games”)
My tumblr, which until recently I had not opened since June 2009, is probably the only place I am writing honestly right now. It’s because I believe that nobody reads it and I don’t think that anyone follows me on here since I’m not following anyone myself.
I’ve been swept away lately. I literally lose myself on some nights. I disappear into Brooklyn, no sign of me to be found by my friends who are back in the city, singing karaoke and doing ‘girls nights’. But I don’t want to sing karaoke and do ‘girls nights’ anymore. I want to be with someone. Someone special who has totally changed the way I view romance and dating.
When I am with this person I have the most powerful deja vu. Like I’m meant to be where I’m at when I am walking next to them and waking up beside them. Before I met this person, I was out in Williamsburg one night, shopping on Bedford when it hit me that this was a place I wanted and needed to visit more often. One week later I met someone who lives there and it felt so strangely right and coincidental.
But as much as I don’t want to lose this person, I don’t know if I was designed the right way to handle falling for someone again. With good feelings and intense moments comes uncertainty and discontent. Maybe I’m better off by myself. Either I get up the courage to bow out before I get hurt, or go ahead and stay in it, risking losing something so perfect, I’m not even sure if it was real to begin with.
.
.
*Update: Of course I risked it…
